Bitchslicer :: Interviewed by Oneiric Imperium (August 2006)

For those who dont know Bitchslicer is the mostly 80s thrash metal sounding project (but sometimes punk, noise and country) of my roommate and old friend Gary. Image DRI or exodus filtered through hello kitty, porn and the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy and you start to get the picture. People love to get worked up over Bitchslicer thinking the name is a serious statement weather their retards with issues about women or are PC types who want to vilify it not realizing Gary just is a retard with a bad sense of humor. Bitchslicer also has a split mini-CDr with Oneiric Imperium of their noise stuff called chthonic cat cult. Really we dont leave the house here we just make art and music 24-7.

Check out the hilarious hate mail section at www.bitchslicer.com and obviously their myspace profile (/www.myspace.com/bitchslicer666 ) as well as the profile for their acoustic songs (www.myspace.com/bitchsliceracoustic666 ) and noise songs (www.myspace.com/bitchslicernoise666).

Bood :: Remember back at the black library warehouse when I fucked three girls at once and you filmed Justin peeing on the one girl afterwards? Do you still have that video?
King Gary :: It's been a while but I seem to remember it being two girls, and one of your male friends. You where probably just very drunk, and it was dark in the basement I guess. I am unaware of the existence of any such video. Seriously who the fuck would come home tired from a long day at work, and pay some girl $20 to let Justin urinate on them, while video taping it. I am actually offended by you insinuating that I am that type of person.

Bood :: Obviously you have a zealous social and misogynist agenda with your band, please explain in great detail why Bitchslicer wants to commit violence towards women?
King Gary :: You are sadly mistaken, we have no message, we have no agenda, and our intentions of violence are not dictated by genitals alone.

Bood :: People are no good, but why is it cats are superior yet have no thumbs?
King Gary :: Through out history many separate species of cats have evolved to become the top predator in their environments and many have even grown saber teeth. Humans are currently enjoying a small stint of success occupying the top predator position but I seriously doubt this will last, and I really seriously doubt that humans will ever grow saber teeth. What I would recommend however for human to stave off their inevitable demise is to begin working on a cat / human hybrid. This should become the number one priority for scientists around the world.. This feline/humanoid hybrid (or as I like to refer to it as meow-man) would posses both opposable thumbs and saber teeth. I think that a good selling point for this research to government officials and also to help keep "the people" happy, is that cats come in many different hair lengths and colors so we could create some brand new and exiting oppressive socio-economical living conditions based on brand guidelines of prejudice and discrimination.

Bood :: After you come home from a long night of oppressing the rights of women what do you like to listen to?
King Gary :: For the record … I sell pornography for a living, and pornography liberates women. When I get home from a 14 hour shift of selling pornography to the morlocks and C.H.U.D.'s of the greater Philadelphia area, I like to listen Hank Williams, Ghoul, Deicide, and musical scores from horror movies.

Bood :: I understand that you do not like to read, did they not have books in the trailer park in Addams county?
King Gary :: First off books are for squares !!! Reading books makes dumb people feel smart. Drinking wine in front of your PBR drinking buddies doesn't make you look intellectual, smoking clove cigarettes in front of your cigarette smoking friends doesn't make you look sophisticated, and reading a book while every other meatbot on the planet is watching American idol does not make you a genius. Besides all of that I feel that people miss the point totally when it comes to books. Books are manufactured by extra terrestrial computer software to pacify humans that have the mental capacity to read. These humans spend hours each day reading books, newspapers, e-mails, & blogs, instead of preparing for the alien invasion. When aliens do invade I bet you $20 that their scientists will make alien / cat hybrids.

Bood :: Which band that is currently active would Bitchslicer like to play with?
King Gary :: Well if I could play a show with any active band at all, I would play with Willie Nelson. Of all of my heroes he is one of the few who is still alive, still active and still amazing. If I could time travel I would play with Metallica at any point in the 80's (even though they are still active now I would not enjoy playing a show with the current Metallica). Now if I had to pick a realistic show that Bitchslicer would fit in with, and that could actually happen in the present … I would have say playing a show with Ghoul would be awesome.

You have a song about robot blow jobs and werewolf blow jobs, but is there a song about robots and werewolves giving each other blow jobs?
King Gary :: There is no song about this topic. It does not seem like a good "fit" to be perfectly honest, robots and werewolves together in a lewd and sexual manner. Perhaps I should try masturbating while thinking about it, to see if it "does the trick" if you know what I mean. You know … some hardcore research.

Bood :: What would porn of the dead consist of exactly if taken literally? Shouldn't that song be called "Pornonomicon" ?
King Gary :: Whoa whoa whoa … first off, Pornonomicon is a play off of the Necronomicon, which is a book. I would never write a song about a book. I know that a lot of bands write songs about books to let people know that they read books, and therefore must be intelligent. Fuck those bands. Yeah I think that tonight after I get done selling porn I am going to go home, drink wine, smoke cloves, and listen to pearl jam while I read a book. Then tomorrow I will write a song about it called "I am a fucking douche bag, & I drink animal semen (ode to Eddie Vedder)"

Bood :: In porn of the dead the song makes reference to a zombie with two dicks, doesn't that make it porn of the undead?
King Gary :: Do you mean that porn of the dead would make more sense if he only had one dick ???

Bood :: You reference Jesus as the undead, robots, aliens, ghosts, werewolves, but yet I hear no Githyanki gangbang song?
King Gary :: Now that is a tough question. Hmmm more of a moral dilemma actually, and a fear of god. Githyanki are bad ass !!! There is no denying that. But I belong to the church of eternal illiteracy and if I wrote a song about a character that only exists in a book, I would probably not end up going to heaven with all of my drunken, white trash, metal head friends. I would just die and go to Starbucks.

Bood :: Yes vampires are pretty gay now, so you shouldn't do a song about them, but what about the rust monster? Rust monster rusty trombone?
King Gary :: Dude, I could never jerk off thinking about a Rust Monster getting a rusty trombone, so therefore I would have no inspiration for such a song.

Bood :: How many recordings are you sitting on exactly and what will it take to get them all out?
King Gary :: Tons of recordings, 4 full lengths and an EP so far, almost 100 songs. We need tons of Money to put them out.
Bitchslicer - II Count Drunkula (Metal)
Bitchslicer - III Lycanthropic Fellatio (Metal)
Bitchslicer - IV Sex with Sharks (Metal)
Bitchslicer - Tales of Horror Pornography and Whiskey (Country / Acoustic)
Bitchslicer - One for the Ladies II. (Acoustic Ballads)

Bood :: King Gary what is the formula for the perfect metal?
King Gary :: White Trash = Metal

Bood :: Do you want to watch me while I'm in my room trying to retain my ejaculation so I can talk to aliens in my sleep?
King Gary :: Oh Course I want to watch you trying to retain your ejaculation. I think that watching you in your pink vinyl SS uniform "retaining your ejaculation" would make any sane person unable to retain theirs. On a side not, when you talk to aliens in your dreams, are they also retaining their ejaculation so that they can communicate with you ???

Bood :: What other bands currently over lap with Bitchslicer?
King Gary :: I am in another band Called Returner, and Shane does some solo acoustic stuff as Shifty Shane Jenkins.

Bood :: I hear you're doing a split with Witchhunt and that Christy Road is doing the cover art?
King Gary :: Yes we are, and I was just as surprised as you when they invited us to do a split with them. I guess they are not as narrow minded and fanatical as they used to be.

Bood :: Why have you not done an Oneiric Imperium cover? Are the words in my songs too big for you to use or are you taste-phobic?
King Gary :: I am worried that if Bitchslicer covered an Oneiric Imperium song, my dreams would then be plagued by semen retaining aliens.

www.Bitchslicer.com
www.myspace.com/bitchslicer666

- Bood Samel (www.boodsamel.com)